Wednesday, November 27, 2013

being thankful ~

Give Thanks by Sue Allemand,
Hmmm -- where do I start??  It's been a weird year... so many things happened that it's all just a blur to me now.  That is....everything before the sudden death of my Mom on Nov. 5th.  I was clicking along...working, working, working... starting a new business does that to you.  Days, weeks & months just breeze by - for better or for worse.  But I'm a Master Multi-tasker - so being busy was a good thing.  Being passionate about my art and my business again - was a good thing...IS a good thing!  So many ideas -- so little time!
Things were cruising along at a great pace - I was excited and energized - and I was bobbing and the FLOW I call it.  Problems arise - you handle them - and move on to the next...all the while, being so in the zone and you just KNOW you're headed in the right direction!  Dan took a few days off for the coming weekend so we could go down to Arkansas to see my Mom & Dad -- we hadn't been there since late April -- and my mom was getting lonely for some "kid" company!  haha.  So I was getting things "handled" with the business, the cat, the house, that we could be gone for a few days - no problem.  She was so excited we were coming -- and that the rest of the gang would be coming down for Thanksgiving!!
Then bam -- a call at 11:30pm the Monday night before the trip - that just knocks you off your feet.  A sucker punch to the stomach! They're doing CPR on your mom and she's being taken to the hospital.  Unreal.  My mom had Parkinson's Disease for a number of years - and was managing that - but over the last 6 months had had numerous little illnesses (unrelated to PD), falls, problems with medication & blood pressure - that left her frustrated more than anything!  She just wanted to feel "good" again - so she could get back to LIFE...get back to her kids & grandkids and traveling the 12 hours to come visit everyone.
I got out of bed and tried to pack -- tried to think -- my sister's and I were getting in the car to make the 12-hour drive... we had to be there for her...we had to see her.  I just couldn't function... I think I packed 5 black sweaters in my bag - and not much else - just shoving stuff in...trying to wrap my head around what was going on.  And a short while later - a call from my brother - that she was gone.  GONE.  Just gone.
I knew in my heart and the logical part of my brain - that she was in a better place - where there was no pain, no ticks from Parkinson's, no medications, no restrictions to her movement, no foggy parts or disconnected memories in her brain, no more doctors poking her every couple days.... and knowing how Parkinson's it progresses & deteriorates... that passing out from low blood pressure and not waking up was a peaceful, painless end that I would have wished for her
but... BUT....
there's always that selfish BUT!
I choose to be THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for the time I did have with her -- for having such a great Mom who was always doing and thinking of others!  Who was always taking in a stray pet, a stray family member...a stray kid...  feeding anybody and everybody with her delicious cooking...making sure everybody was happy and healthy and had everything they needed.  She was kind, loving, generous, supportive...and left us way to soon....and I'll miss her so much!
But I know she'll be with us all (the whole family) -- at Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow (and forever) -- we'll save a seat for you Mom...and some sweet potatoes!  xoxo